Tips to Help Navigate The Holidays Single
The holidays can be tough for everyone, and one group in particular that can struggle are single adults. This is a time of year where you often see the posts with the matching pajamas, the proposals, and overall you’re slowing down a bit and may have more time to take inventory of your life. You may spend time with family which can come with jokes or questions such as; “when are you going to settle down?” or “when am I getting grandbabies?” It can be stressful, especially if you are unhappily single. Here are a few tips that can help you navigate things a bit better this holiday season.
Set Boundaries
Like mentioned earlier, social media can be pretty tough for singles during the holiday season. You might be seeing more pictures of couples, matching pajama sets, extravagant gifts, or proposals around this time of year. While you may or may not feel happy for others, social media can be triggering. An example of a boundary you can set with social media is limiting screen time. This way there is less of a chance for you to spend time scrolling and ruminating. If you know there is a certain couple that really ignites some envy, maybe you stay off of that person’s page. Each person is different, but the moral of the story is that it could be positive to take some time to think of the ways social media impacts your mood during this time and make adjustments to help yourself out.
Another way to set boundaries is interpersonally. It can be tough being around family who feels they are entitled to ask personal questions or make rude comments about your relationship status or current place in life. They might even bring up exes who they feel you messed things up with. In the worst cases, family members may be in contact with ex partners and invite them to your families festivities without your permission. You know your family and what past events have happened, so take time to think about what boundaries would make sense for you to set.
Remember, boundaries are not “Don’t say that to me” or “I don’t like that”. Boundaries are “if you do ____, then I will have to ____”. For example, if you bring up my ex while the family is together for Christmas brunch, I will have to leave right after and not stay for the gift exchange. This way it is clear to whoever you are communicating with what the expectation is and how it will be handled. The most important part of setting boundaries is following through with them. This means, if the ex is brought up at dinner, you must leave like you said you would. If not, this makes it easier for people to not take your boundaries seriously in the future. With that being said, make sure you are prepared to follow through with whatever boundaries you may set. Think ahead about what you actually want, because the consequences can be as big or as small as you’d like them to be. The boundaries are yours to make.
Don’t Make Right Now Mean Forever
The holiday season can be a magical time and it’s easy to imagine how nice it would be to have a partner to share it with. You might even imagine your future kiddos that you’ll create traditions with and buy gifts for. A source of sadness at times can be that during these times you might have negative thoughts like “I’ll never find anyone” or “I’ll always be alone”. This is dangerous thinking because we can’t tell the future, and it doesn’t make you feel good at all. Just because you are single this holiday season, doesn’t mean you will be next year, or 5 years down the line. Try not to generalize the circumstances of today as the circumstances for the rest of your life. Remaining hopeful about the future may help you appreciate where you are now and feel less jealous about loved ones who have what you want one day.
Take Care of Yourself
This can be a tough time of year for a lot of people, whether it’s because you’re single, lost someone close to you, aren’t doing well financially, etc. Whatever it is that you’re going through, there likely isn’t a quick fix. It’s okay to feel sad or down around the holidays, or any other time. Even so, it’s always a good idea to set yourself up in the best way so that hopefully you can move through the low mood in the best way possible. Think of things you like, and ways you make yourself feel good this holiday season. Some ideas could be spending time with family and friends, baking cookies, watching nostalgic holiday movies, being active, or whatever might fit for you. The point is, it doesn’t have to be something huge, but you can incorporate things into your week that will help ground you and elevate your mood.
Manage Your Expectations
There’s a trope that the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. This can make us feel like we’re supposed to be overjoyed around the holidays and that there is no room for any feelings or experiences that may not fit with that. It is a good idea to be aware of where you are in life and if you aren’t where you hope you’d be, it makes sense that you aren’t singing Jingle Bells from the top of your lungs. This may not be the most wonderful time of the year for you, so it’s important not to expect that just because the holidays are here that you’ll be happy and feel great. Sometimes expectations like these can bring guilt, shame, or confusion which can contribute to low mood or anxiety. Be real with yourself about what is true for you to help manage expectations. Remember that this time of year can also symbolize endings, and new beginnings, so there is always hope that soon the tides will change.
What do you think about these tips? I’m sure there are a bunch more things that will be helpful, but these are a few things I thought would be good to share. Happy Holidays!